Jairus' Daughter

Peace.

I'm out, y'all. 

I'm content to let this blog be a chronicle of my twenties.  As I have now crossed that threshold into 30-somethingness, I feel like packing up this part of my life and only pulling it out on special occasions.  It's been fun.  Thanks for reading.

40 Strings

I had it today.  I don't know exactly what brought it about—maybe just exactly the right combination of longing and lack of sleep—but I played like I have never played before.  I was playing, not to strike the notes, but to let the music out.  It wanted to be heard and I wanted to hear it.  Challenging pieces became peaceful and elegant; the overplayed was now just familiar.  I wanted to hear it all.  And as each piece was over, I leaned my head on the soundboard and let the vibrations resonate through my bones.  This is why I play.  For days like today.

Unshaken

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.

John Rippon, 1787

Unpleasant Things I Have Learned About Myself (since 10/18/08)

1)  I don't open up to people because I just don't trust them.

2)  I judge people with failed relationships.  Still.

3)  I don't ask for help because I would just rather go it alone.

4)  I am not good at going it alone.

5)  I am a liar and a hypocrite.

6)  I have misplaced loyalties.

7)  I'll do the right thing as long as it doesn't inconvenience me too much.

8)  I'll manipulate situations and people to get what I want.

9)  I don't care.  About anything.

10)  I am not who I thought I was.

Ready

"See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?" - Isaiah 43:19

Two thousand nine promises to be a year of adventure.  Like going over a waterfall in a barrel.  The outcome may be good or bad.  Or both.  But certainly different.

New year, do your worst.

Without You

The weatherman says goodnight
The empire state building's turning of its lights
The refrigerator stops
And suddenly it's quiet
I never noticed the ceilings were so low
I never saw all the cracks on the window
I never saw myself as sentimental
But here I go

Without you
I've been standing round here like a statue
Laying on the floor thinking about you
I talk to myself like the crazies do
Otherwise I'm great
What about you?

Ain't nothing going on here but the rent
I can't account for how my days are spent
I wanna draw the line between who I am
And who I invent

The weatherman says blues skies but it's raining
Like the clouds all decided to cry
And every time you hurt me I say
“It's alright
it's alright
it's alright”

Without you
I've been standing round here like a statue
Laying on the couch all day like cats do
Waiting for the phone to ring
But it won't ring
Without you

Statue - Low Millions

Image Is Everything

I found this entry in an old journal.

10-7-05

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:27

"The LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone.'" - Genesis 2:18

What I value in relationships:
devotion
to be known
to be appreciated for my good qualities
that my presence be desired
stimulating communication
not being humored or placated
honesty no matter what

Do I have these desires because I am shaped like You?  And do You have the same ones?