Therapy
I decided to quit today.
I didn't toy with the idea. I didn't bat it around. I actually decided.
I spent the entire morning in the ladies' crying my eyes out, for you see, I had exhausted my ability to wait until I got home. I can't tell you exactly what I found (and have been finding) so upsetting, except to say that it must be a combination of a million seemingly insignificant things. Altogether, they became overwhelmingly significant and engulfed me like a tidal wave. Drowning in emotion, I clung to my only perceivable deliverance: a less-than-graceful exit from all things grad school. Seeing as I could no longer control my tear ducts while at school, I figured it likely that I may lose it during a therapy session. And that's what every kid needs, a speech therapist having a breakdown.
It can be a somewhat scary prospect when two years of your future, which had previously been spoken for, suddenly become wide open. And with those years, the rest of your working life. I mentally explored the gamut of career fields, from professional harpist to mail carrier. It forced me to face my values and priorities regarding higher education, investments, and quitting. Will I regret not getting my master's? Will I regret being miserable for a substantial portion of my twenties?
I prayed. And I was surprised to realize that I hadn't really done so up to that point. Not about this. I had prayed about a lot of other aspects of the program. The people. My clients. But I knew I was supposed to be there and what I was supposed to be doing. That part was a given.
Then it was taken away.
So I prayed what I had learned to expect from so many other previous trials: Lord, teach me a lesson. Make me feel silly, when I look back on this, for not trusting You in the first place.
My therapy session this afternoon was the best one yet. Everything else fell into perspective. And I felt like a giant tool for telling people I was gonna quit.
Bravo, Meredith! God bless. I'm always here for you, and like you...praying.
Posted by: Jeremy on June 22, 2004 08:29 AMDo you feel better now? Just remember...when one door shuts, generally another door opens, but you have to be brave enough to walk through. I am sorry that I have been away.
Posted by: Marie on June 23, 2004 10:38 AMI'm not in grad school but I have been in the same job for 25 years....wanted to just quit and walk away many a time.
The thought that has always helped me the most..."Don't make permanent decisions based on temporary circumstances".
Hang in there....you are needed as a speech therapist.
Both of my children have been through speech therapy when they were very young. An what a wonderful difference it made it there lives. They are 16 & 19 now and have wonderful speaking ability. The therapist had such a positive impact on their young lives....