The Hard Way
I would like to be able to say that I live my life with no regrets. If there were such a thing as nearly true, or almost true, it would apply here. I don't regret most of my mistakes, even the big ones. Others, however, are riddled with rue. Like this one:
I regret ditching my freshman roommate.
She and I got along relatively well. I liked her a lot. But I knew someone with a better number for the sophomore room lottery, and I wanted to stay on campus. She was really hurt when I told her, which surprised me. I didn't know she liked me that much. But the decision was already made. And I got a great room.
She, however, got to keep the friends. And we had an amazing group of them. Phenomenal and rare. I didn't realize just how rare until it was too late. They all went off campus with her, and as easy as I thought it would be to hang out, it wasn't. I had lost them.
Meanwhile, the group I tried to join never quite accepted me. Despite the Christian connection, I didn't have nearly as much in common with them as I had with my other friends. My new friends never understood me. Plus, I was the only one without the shared history of that formative freshman year.
Now, six years later, I keep in regular contact with the latter group. It is always awkward for me, and a little painful. My second roommate became my best friend through the rest of college, and probably still would be, if she would ever return my calls. The friendships I long to have kept--Ladan, Hilary, Erika, Nick, Erin--are unmistakably out of reach.
I have been known to a be quite a schmuck on occasion. I have made some really stupid decisions that hurt people that I cared for. But, I wouldn't sweat those lost relationships too much because the very few that have survived ....will continue. If you are lucky to have one true friend in your life, you are indeed lucky.
Posted by: Marie on November 21, 2004 08:28 PM