Jairus' Daughter

Role Reversal

Harp in the Tree

Tree in the Harp

And all this time I thought I was an only child.

I found out over the last three days how college friends can emulate family, and not in the good way.  There are seven of us.  We see each other about three times a year, and at each occasion we resume our respective roles in the group.  The roles we force each other into.  The roles we can't break out of to save our lives.  But maybe I'm the only one who wants to break free because, like any family, we have a pecking order and I'm at the bottom.

I may have deserved that place when I was in college.  I was awkward and distant, depressed and enigmatic.  They didn't quite know what to do with me, but then I didn't quite know what to do with myself.  Fortunately, they took pity on me and included me in their group.  Unfortunately, they are still taking pity on me and including me out of a sense of duty.  I am long past being able to hold my own in relationships now, but they won't see that.  They will only see the stuff of their expectations.  It's annoying as hell, yet I keep going back.  I have fallen into my own pattern within the pattern.  I chase after the chance to change their opinion of me.  I wouldn't miss it for the world.

The question I thought better of asking:

Does it bother you that your brother hasn't married/won't marry/has no intention of marrying his long-time girlfriend?

If the answer is yes, then no big deal--we agree.  We can dissect the situation and lament it as one mind.

But if the answer is no...  Don't I sound holier than thou!  Who am I to impose my morals on other people?  I'm not perfect myself, as you know all too well.  Maybe I view dating indefinitely with no thought given to marriage misogynistic; that doesn't mean other people see it that way.  Who am I to judge your family?

As much I wanted to know where you stand, I couldn't bear to let it come between us.

Reality Me

I saw a commercial for a new reality show.  I forget the name of it, but it's along the lines of EdTV, where a guy turns his whole life over to the cameras and that's the show.  After my initial groan, another reality show reaction, I got to thinking how appealing it might be to star in a show like that, to have instant fame and innumerable devoted fans for nothing more than living my everyday life.  Parts of it would be really boring, though.  Me reading a book.  Me staring at a television.  Me hunched over my computer.  Regardless, I'm sure I would be a big hit.

Then it dawned on me--what I have here is far better than my own reality TV show!  I have complete creative control, so I can leave out all the boring stuff.  My faithful fans, few though they may be, tune in and read all about me, thereby perpetuating the exhibitionist/voyeur symbiosis behind every good reality show.

In the words (or so) of Clement Moore...

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Dad doesn't mince words.

My father's remarks to me while holding up the coveted brass letter-bucket given to my mother by one of her friends:

"This is another one of those 'go figure' gifts."

We're not in Kansas anymore, but then again we never were.

I recently returned from a wedding in Missouri.  I had never been to Missouri before (or as true Missourians say it, "Missourah").  The word tossed around all weekend to describe things was "surreal."  It was surreal to be in a place that previously had only existed in my imagination--the mythical origin of my friend, the bride.  It was surreal for her that the friends she had known in DC were now with her in her hometown.  It was as if we were all keeping our eyes open for a rift in the space-time continuum.

The wedding itself was beautiful.  The wedding planner, obviously experienced, even remarked that she had never had a wedding go so perfectly.  It was like being dropped feet-first into a fairytale.

Since we--myself and the girl I was travelling with--stayed the whole weekend, we got to explore some of the sights of Springfield.  Brad Pitt is apparently from the same town, but sadly we didn't get a chance to stalk his parents' house or anything.

On the way back, we drove through Kansas City.  Parts of it are absolutely beautiful.  I thought to myself that I would like to come back and see it sometime, but who plans a vacation to Kansas City, unless they have relatives there or something?  Nevertheless, it's on my list.

Image is Everything

I love being the cool older cousin.  I was afraid I nearly lost my cool older cousin status, however, when my younger cousins convinced me to play four-square with them at Thanksgiving.  I was just as untalented at the game as I was in elementary school when I first played it, only now I had to try to think back 18 years to remember the rules.  Christmas is my chance to redeem myself, though.  I'm going to give them cool older cousin presents, the likes of which will make them forget I ever flaked out on the four-square court.  I won't tell you what the presents are, in case my cousins get their hands on my URL before Christmas, except to say that I amaze myself with my own coolness and gift-giving ingenuity.  My reputation is saved; I am cool once again.

Thanks, Ilonina!

"Beannachtaí na Nollag," says my Christmas card from Ireland.  "Christmas blessings."  How cool is that!  This little card made it all the way across the Atlantic from my outstanding Irish pen-friend.  I feel blessed already.

Now all I need is some Kentucky jelly!  (That's a joke.)

I love trying new things.  I got to experience a true Kentucky meal tonight at my friends' house:  chili with spaghetti noodles in it and Ale-8 fruity ginger ale.  It's like observing another culture without leaving home.

Things I'm Not Supposed to Think, Let Alone Write Down

I love you.  I will always love you.  But I have learned how to love you from a distance.  My desire to be with you is so entwined with my desire that you be changed that I can no longer separate the two.  I know it's not fair of me to want that.  I know such an attitude is a barrier to our coming back together.  And yet somehow I still wish for that as the surprise twist, the happy ending to our story.  I am a fool.  A wise fool, but a fool all the same.  A fool for you.

Jesus vs. Santa Claus

No, it's not Celebrity Death Match or a South Park episode.  I just thought I would take a moment to compare and contrast the two major figures of Christmas.

I.  Santa lives at the North Pole; Jesus lives in the hearts of those who believe in Him.

"The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him.  But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you." - John 14:17

II.  Santa knows whether we've been naughty or nice; so does Jesus.

"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight.  Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." - Hebrews 4:13

III.  Santa requires good behavior; Jesus requires only belief in Himself.

"Then they asked him, 'What must we do to do the works God requires?'  Jesus answered, 'The work of God is this:  to believe in the one he has sent.'" - John 6:28-29

IV.  Santa lets the little children come to him; so does Jesus.

"But Jesus called the children to him and said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.'" - Luke 18:16

V.  Santa gives gifts; Jesus is the gift.

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.  And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." - Isaiah 9:6

VI.  St. Nicholas died; so did Jesus.

"And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!" - Philippians 2:8

VII.  St. Nicholas is still dead; Jesus is alive.

"Why do you look for the living among the dead?  He is not here; he has risen!" - Luke 24:5-6

Warning:  Inflammatory Views

Y'know what?  I don't like exams.  I know that sounds examist.  But I really don't.

Me and TJ

Isn't it always the way?  When you have the most to write, you have the least opportunity to write it.  I had a most fantabulous birthday weekend, spent in Williamsburg with dear friends.  As you can see, I did acquire my prized digital camera.  And so I will save a thousand words and just give you a picture.  Here it is, the first picture of yours truly posted on this site. 

There I am with Tom whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

Airwave Piracy

My favorite radio station was hijacked today.  No notice.  Just oppressive country music where my beautiful eclectic sound used to be.  And the weird part was they kept playing the same song over and over (I checked back every couple minutes to see if it was a joke):  "Gone Country."  Yes, I get it--my radio station has "gone country."  Now put it back the way you found it and nobody gets hurt.

Compulsion

Must write.  Must write something.  Must write something brilliant.  Must crack under pressure.

One down; three to go.

How did they know?

Did I not express my desire just a few entries ago for an electrically-charged male-repellent device?  The internet read my mind.

Received in today's mail:

2.  [Mary Engelbreit address label bearing name and address]     small/medium (have fun!)
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Let me know if you want me to send you a copy.  Meanwhile, I'll be on the lookout for 36 manila envelopes.