I found out that my parents, until today, had never heard of Jack Kerouac.
I can't rightly put into words why I found this so troubling, but perhaps you can imagine.
The appearance of my being pregnant with a baby watermelon has yet to subside. Hence, I went to see the doctor. His professional opinion: "There's nothing wrong with you." Fantastic. And... I beg to differ.
When I got home, there was a message from Stacey. The exact same thing that happened to me happened to a friend of a friend of hers. That was the best news ever! Why? Because it means I'm not a complete freak of nature. As was previously thought.
So I apparently really messed up my abdominal muscles with too many crunches. Silly me, I thought working out was supposed to improve your health. Now my abdomen is distended, and when I woke up this morning, I broke into a sweat, threw up, and started to black out. Have no fear; my condition has stabilized. But it's kinda hard to rest muscles you use for sitting, standing, ambulating, and other necessary functions.
The moral of the story is... If you ever have the urge to work your abdominals, DON'T DO IT! Stay on the couch!! It's not worth it!!!
Urinalysis was not designed for the shy of bladder. There is that intimidating line on the cup, causing you to wonder, Can I make it? Do I have it in me? Do I have what it takes? Then there's the lab tech waiting on the other side of the door. Listening. And of course, let's not forget the time constraint. Two minutes. If I am going to overcome the impending pressure to perform, I'm gonna need a lot more than two minutes. As it happened, I needed close to an hour and three bottled waters.
I've had better. And I've learned important lessons about things that mix well and things that don't.
Friends + Holidays = good!
Huge Chinese Buffet + Cranberry Cocktails = bad.
Stupid Movies + Jenga = good!
Ghetto-fied Neighbors + Inviting Them In = bad.
Cigarette Smoke + Breathing = bad.
Drinking Too Much + Gravity + Metal-framed Table = bad.
Fortunately for me, the more difficult lessons were learned vicariously. Even so, 2006 has nowhere to go but up.